House Oneshots
by Rachel3003
Summary: As the title tells, this is a recopilation of House MD oneshots. I am a Huddy fan so that's what you'll get in the romance department, and I love Rachel so she'll be present in most of the shots. Maybe some of House/Wilson friendship and the team too, but mostly Huddy. Enjoy! ALL THE KNOWN CHARACTERS BELONG TO DAVID SHORE.
1. Don't say goodbye

**Hi, people. If it were up to me, all the episodes from Bombshells to the season finale wouldn't exist. That is why in my House universe they don't! As you've read in the synopsis, this is a series of oneshots. It's not gonna be organized chronologically, but who cares? (I'll tell more or less when it's happening at the beginning so you have some insight, so don't worry). Also, they'll be all after Cuddy adopted Rachel (I adore that kid, and not just because she's my namesake) so prepare yourselves to a lot of House bonding with Rachel. And… I think that's it, lets begin!**

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 ** _Five years later (Rachel is seven) House and Cuddy are having a huge fight. Cuddy says something that has a huge impact on House._**

"House?"

Both him and Cuddy paused at the childish voice that speaks his name. He turns slowly and there she is. Rachel, in all her seven years old glory, wearing a pirate's themed pajama and clutching Oggie, a stuffed cat he had bought for her when she was three. He hears Cuddy whisper her daughter's name. Slowly, very slowly –his leg is _killing_ him–, House turns to completely face her and is prepared when Rachel almost slams into him.

"Where're you goin'? You have to read me a bed–" she clings to him with a vice like hold around his waist and smiles at him, only to be replaced with confusion and worry when she sees his eyes. They're misty.

House takes a shaky breath and strokes her hair, he'd been hoping they wouldn't wake her with their fight. He leaves the cane propped up against the wall and puts his arms around her. He hugs her to his side and presses his lips to her forehead before letting go and reclaiming the cane.

"Goodbye, my little scallywag." His whisper carries across the silent room and as he closes the door he can hear Rachel asking his name again, her voice broken.

Cuddy, standing frozen in the middle of the living room, can see her daughter trembling all over and when the little girl turns to her she realizes her eyes are moist too. God, what had she done?

"Mommy? Why's House saying goodbye?" he'd never said 'goodbye'. He'd always said 'see ya' or 'later', never goodbye. 'Goodbye' meant he was leaving for good. He wasn't coming back.

He'd promised to never say goodbye.

It's like someone flips the switch. With a choked sob Rachel casts Oggie to the floor and tackles the door. She throws it open and run down the steps. Her eyes overflow and she rubs them furiously. She looks around and she locates him three houses over, just reaching his motorcycle. She starts running. She can hear her mother crying out to her to come back, but she just ignores her. It's all her fault. It's her fault he's saying goodbye.

He'd _promised_.

"HOUSE!"

House turns with a start. Rachel's racing towards him, tears streaming down her cheeks and face red. When she reaches him, she tackles him to the ground and they fall in the grass of the yard. House is stretched on his back, trying to regain he lost air. Rachel is sprawled over him, sobbing in his shirt.

"You promised!" she raises herself a little, rearranging her legs so she's straddling him. She fists his shirt in her hands and tears fall down her cheeks to his own. "You promised to never say goodbye! You promised you'd never leave me!" she tugs on the shirt and lets her head fall onto his chest. "You promised…" she whines again, softly now.

House sighs. He didn't know she'd remember that. It had been during a storm when she'd been two weeks from being four years old. Cuddy had been stuck at the hospital and he had offered to babysit Rachel (pretending to just do it for sex, secretly looking forward to have a little while with the kid). Rachel had been in that stage that she asked about _everything_ and one of those questions, had been if he was her daddy. He didn't really know how that little question had led to promising he'd never say goodbye, but Rachel had stopped asking after that and had snuggled in his lap while he played the piano.

Cringing he sits up. They may have landed on the grass but it wasn't exactly a mountain of pillows. Rachel's still sobbing, her arms circling his neck and her face buried there too. They hear Cuddy approaching and she tenses up, tightening her grip. House looks up at her and shakes his head, motioning her to stay back. She's trembling; she hugs herself and takes a step back.

"Rach, you're choking me." She loosens the hold, but doesn't let go. House signs and rubs her back. She's still sobbing, repeating 'please don't go' like a mantra. Or a broken record. "Rachel, relax." She lets out a whine and Cuddy jumps. She puts her hand over her mouth, tears brimming her own eyes.

"You said goodbye. You promised you'd _never_ say goodbye."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't think you'd remember. You're gonna see me again, don't worry." he keeps stroking her back and repeats this isn't the last time she's going to see him until she finally calms down.

"Can you read me a story?" her voice is so hopeful he almost says yes. What the hell has this kid done to him?

" I can't. I have to go to my house now." Rachel shakes her head, still nestled in the crook of his neck.

"But this is your house. This is your home. With me, and with mommy."

"Not anymore, kid. It's hard to explain, ok? You're too young to understand. C'mon, get up. My ass is freezing." With a little more reluctance than you would expect, Rachel disentangles herself from House and stands next to him while he gets up. When he's done, she latches onto him again. "Rachel…"

"No! you're not leaving!" the child looks at her mother, desperate for backup. "Mommy, tell him he has to stay!"

When Cuddy looks at House, he has his eyes averted. She know that if he looked at her, she'd see the shame that lurked inside like a shark. She'd done this. He'd been working on his addictions since he left rehab and the first thing she does when he apologizes is throw in his face all the things he'd done. He's been slow, making amends for everything little by little, and today when he apologizes for telling her she'd be a bad mother in that little girl's case, she lashes out.

Cuddy breaks out of her stupor at Rachel's cry of distress. House is trying to pry her little arms from his middle.

"Rachel, let go!"

"NO!" she fists his shirt and hold on tight.

"Rachel, let go, _now_!" he discards the cane again and tries to unwind her little fingers from their iron hold. Rachel buries her face in his stomach and although her voice is muffled, he hears her next words with complete clarity.

"Please don't go… please, daddy, don't."

House freezes, so does Cuddy. Rachel just called him daddy. Swallowing loudly, House encircles he child in his arms again and looks at her. She's still crying, her left cheek pressed against his stomach and her eyes screwed shut. Cuddy approaches and before he can do anything, she's pressed to his side too, her arms around his chest and her forehead against his neck.

"I'm so sorry, House. I don't know why I said that. Today's been a difficult day and when you reminded me of that day I just exploded. I'm sorry. I _do_ accept your apology, ok? Just please don't leave us. I'm so sorry…"

She rubs her face in his neck, sobbing herself. She'd been so caught in her shock at saying something that horrible that she'd failed to react on time. She'd almost lost him. That thought only made her hug him harder. Another minute passes before house relaxes and takes one arm away from Rachel to curl it on Cuddy's waist. And when Cuddy feels him take a breath to speak, she can't help but hold her own.

"You guys soaked my shirt." Both girls look up at him startled only to find him beaming at them with a teasing smirk. The three burst out laughing. She gets on tiptoes and kisses him on the cheek.

"I really am sorry, House." She murmurs again and House gives her a comforting squeeze.

"I deserved it, so don't worry. You just caught me off guard. Lets… lets go home." Cuddy sniffs and kisses him. She then leans down to pick up the cane and they return to the house.

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Megan signs and shakes her head as she watches the family of three walk from her yard to their house. They're so weird. With a last look at them she puts her mug on the kitchen sink and goes back to bed.


	2. My song

**_House is babysitting Rachel again when the child makes an odd request. Rachel is three years old._**

Giggles can be heard from the next room, followed by the sound of tiny feet running down the hall to the kitchen. House is in front of the stove making lunch for Rachel and himself. It's Saturday so no preschool and Marina's daughter is sick, so he's stuck in the house with the three year old and trying to solve a case via cellphone.

"– tests turned out negative. It's not sarcoidosis." Chase's voice sounds from the phone.

"House, where are you? We need you here!" this time it's Foreman.

"House, look! Doggy!" Rachel bursts in the kitchen, holding up a drawing of a brown blob that might resemble a dog.

"Who's that?!" the alarmed voice of Masters comes out of the speaker.

"My pet koala." Says House sarcastically before turning to the child. "Wait a sec, kid. Make a cat with the dog and then show me." Rachel giggles again and with a nod runs back to her room. "Has his fever spiked?"

"Yes, why?"

"Test for infections and search the home. Have to go now."

" Wait! Who was–" and Masters voice is cut when House snaps the phone shut.

"Rachel!" seconds later the child appears with a large grin and House puts her favorite spoon on her hand and his cane on the other while he holds two plates of mac and cheese. She already knows the drill: hold on tight to the things he's given her, sit on the sofa and don't tell mommy they eat watching TV.

They eat in silence, only disturbed by Rachel's giggles. When they finish House takes their dishes while she follows him with his cane. Once in the kitchen she helps him rinse and put in the dishwasher. All done, they share a high five and return to watch TV.

"House play?" Rachel tugs on his shirt and he raises a brow. "Play!" she points at the piano and he smirks.

The kid has taken a liking to the instrument, she seems to enjoy listening to him play. Cuddy told him once that those moments when Rachel is seated listening to him play are the only ones that she stays completely still, except when she's sleeping or eating, of course.

He starts for the piano without a word and Rachel squeals, racing past him and onto the seat, waiting patiently for him to arrive. He slides next to her and rests the cane on the side of the piano before opening the lid that hides the keys. Stretching and making pop his fingers, House gently rests them on the white keys.

"Tell my what's this…" he starts playing and Rachel giggles.

"Disney!"

"Good, and this?" he changes the song and Rachel gasps.

"Lion King!" the child bounces on her seat. This one is new! House changes the song again and Rachel bursts out laughing. "Elsa! _Le it go, le it go_ " she giggles again and claps her hands.

"Good girl! Last one!" he changes again, the rhythm becoming faster and a smile escapes his lips when Rachel squeals.

"Ladybug!" Rachel sings along with the piano, eating half the letters and laughing all along. Once the song is finished she sits back and leans on house, a little content smile playing with her lips. "House, play my song." He freezes and looks at her.

"Your song?"

Her song wasn't really a song, at least, not in the traditional sense of the word. It was just a group of notes thrown hastily together one night that she'd been particularly difficult and both he and Cuddy were ready to tear her throat out to just stop her crying. In the child's defense, she'd been two and had had one of her last colic. And by the volume of her shrieks it had been nasty. After exhausting all their ideas House had sat at the piano and started pressing random notes, hoping that the music would drown the cries of the girl and let him think.

Seconds after he started playing, Rachel calmed down. He'd been so startled by the sudden silence that he'd stopped playing. The two year old had started to whimper and Cuddy had urged him to continue playing. Two minutes later, Rachel was asleep and at the next morning she had demanded to know the name of the song and for House to play it again. It had ended being called Rachel's Song and she would ask for it every time House played the piano.

"My song, House!" he arched a bow. "Please?" he nods with satisfaction and starts playing. It's a soft melody, only composed by five notes, from Do to Sol *****.

Rachel sags against him a few seconds later. He's been playing her this son for two years now, and it provokes the same reaction every time. It had become her lullaby, and they had always wondered why it relaxed her so much.

With a tongue-curling yawn, Rachel lays herself across the seat, her head on House's lap and as she drifts of, the song takes a lower tune and a hand settles on her head, lazily stroking her hair.

 **The first song is the Opening of Disney; the second Circle Of Life from The Lion King; the third Let It Go from Frozen and the fourth the Opening from Miraculous Ladybug.**

 ***- For the people that don't know what I'm talking about: I'm Spanish, so I use the Do scale. Do re mi fa sol la si and repeat. The song I'm talking about exists, but I haven't been able to find it.**


	3. Everybody lies

**_Little Cuddy makes an appearance in House's office and shocks everybody in the room. Rachel is almost six._**

"House! House! House!"

The chanting could be heard from the front entrance of the school and Cuddy can't hold the smile. House was supposed to pick her up but due to his patient having five seizures in the past three hours, he'd had to stay in the hospital.

Rachel appears through the doorway and stops in her tracks before continue as she was before, only changing her chants.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" she throws her Ladybug backpack on the floor before hugging her mother. "Mommy, where's House?"

"His patient got worst and he had to stay to take care of him." Rachel pouts, but that broke with all their plans!

"But House promised we go to the costume shop! It's almost Halloween! And then he had to help me do that report 'bout what Mommy and Daddy work for! You already did it, it's his turn!" Cuddy picks the backpack from the floor and takes her daughters hand. They walk to the car and she buckles Rachel in her seat.

"Well, you can't go shop for the costume, but I have to go back to the hospital so you can do the report." Rachel thinks it over and nods, satisfied.

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"– and you are all useless!" with the end of the rant, House turns around and paces through the room. His team deflates and they look at each other. He stops and looks at them. "What the hell are you still doing here?! Go run the tests!" they scramble out of the chairs and exit the open door in such a haste that they completely ignore the little child waiting patiently at the side.

Rachel had escaped her mother's grasp as soon as the hospital doors had closed behind then and had raced to the elevator. She had asked one of the nice nurses to push the button for her and had race through the halls to House's office, only to find him chastising his team. Knowing he'd ignore her until he was done, she waited for the team to exit the office to enter herself.

"House!" he turns to her and his irritated face melts into a little smile he reserves to her and her mother alone. He takes his hands from the table he'd been reclining on and accepts her hug.

"Hey, Mini-Cuddy. We won't be able to go buy the costumes." Rachel just shakes her head and jumps on a chair.

"We'll go another day. Mommy said your patient is very sick so you have to stay. But we could do the report!" she pats the chair next to her and takes her folder out of her bag, she picks one of the paper sheets that have the questions printed and takes a pencil from the table. "Let's see… Name: House."

"No, Rachel. Greg House. House is my last name." she looks confused and then nods.

"How old are you?" she looks at him and he raises a brow.

"It's confidential."

"What does that mean?"

"That it's secret."

"Oh… I don't know how to write that." So House writes it for her. "What's your job?"

"I'm a Diagnostician in the PPTH." She writes it down and House corrects her when she puts a C instead of a G.

"And what's that?"

"I get patients and tell them what's wrong with them." Rachel pauses in her scribbling to look at him.

"But that's what all the doctor do." She pouts, not understanding.

"Yes, but the difference is that my patients have gone to who-knows how many doctors and they still don't know what they have. So they bring them to me because I'm the best." The little girl bounces on her seat as she writes it down, clearly exited.

"And you always cure them?" House straightens her ponytail and shakes his head.

"No, sometimes they are too sick by the time we find out what's wrong so they die, or the disease it's incurable or chronic, so they die too or have to live with medication to reduce the symptoms." Rachel looks sad at the paper before attacking him with her doe eyes.

"But you save most of them, right?" House nods and she smiles, reassured. She returns her gaze to the paper and reads the last question, one that she'd had to think for herself. "And the patient you have now? How is he? What does he have?"

"Well… I can't give you names because that's illegal, but we still don't know what's making him ill. He has seizures, abdominal pain, his eyes are damaged and weight loss. Normally I would have said teniasis but tests turned negative and the guy's vegan, so not possible."

"What's vegan?"

"A person that doesn't eat anything that has to do with animals. Just fruits and vegetables."

"Oh. And _tenaisis_?" House snorts.

"Teniasis. It's a disease caused by a worm in your tummy. You can get it if you eat pork of beef that's infected with it."

"Yuck…" she makes a face and writes it down. A second later Chase, Masters, Gordon and Hans –the new members after Foreman and Taub left– enter the room. "Hi, Chase!" she bounces on her seat and waves.

"Rachel, hi! Give me five, Lil' bugger!" she giggles and stands on her chair to give the Australian the customary high five. "What're doin'?" as he circles the table to see what's written on the paper, Hans takes the results from Gordon's hands –who's watching Rachel with a slack-jawed look– and present's them to House.

"All negative, sir… I mean, House." She hastily corrects at his sour look.

"Then what the hell is it?" he hears a gasp at his side and all look at the little girl that's looking at House with big eyes and her hands over her mouth.

"You said a bad word!" she points at him and hides her smirk behind her other hand. "I'm gonna tell Mommy!" House seems frightened –fact that shocks Gordon and Hans into next life– for a second before smirking.

"If you do she's punish me and I won't be able to make cookies this weekend." He pouts and Rachel gasps again, horrified this time, before shaking her head vigorously.

"No, no! You have to make cookies! I won't tell Mommy!" House holds his sigh of relief and nods satisfied.

He turns to the rest of his team; Masters is struggling between uncomfortable and amused, Gordon is playing mental Ping-Pong between House and Rachel, Hans completely confused and Chase is snickering from his place behind Rachel.

"Umm…"

"You guys really don't know who she is, do you?" both shake their heads. "This is Rachel Cuddy, Lisa's daughter."

"Lisa?"

"Dean Cuddy." Supplies Chase. Gordon finally breaks out of his stupor and turns to the girl.

"And you're here because…"

"Because we were supposed to go shopping for a costume but the patient got sick, so Mommy brought me here so I could do my report!" she waves the sheet in the air and puts it away. Gordon nods and shifts his gaze to House.

"So… now what do we do?"

"All negative?" they all nod. He get's up and paces. Rachel follows his movements with her eyes. "What looks like teniasis but isn't teniasis?"

"Teniasis." Chase rubs his forehead and leans on the chair.

"Everybody lies!" they turn to Rachel, who's grinning at House expectantly.

"I'm very proud of you, but that doesn't really help. We already ruled out that he lied and the test turned out negative."

"But tests can lie too, right? And it's impossible for somebody to not eat meat. I would die without a steak." She nods, satisfied and looks at everybody in the room.

"A false negative?"

"That's not very common."

"It's not impossible either…" they look at each other before looking at House, who is staring at Rachel with a look of pride and admiration on his eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, kiddo." He takes his cane. "Rerun the tests. Rachel, with me." He smirks at her. "You've earned yourself an ice-cream."


End file.
